Listening & Following

Why is it that the best things in our lives are sometimes the hardest to do? 

That I know, deep in the buried roots of my soul, and have seen time and time again in my life - that God always - ALWAYS - wins? That His plans are the kind that make your heart light on fire and you feel like you're jumping off a cliff but in the best way possible. The best things in my life have usually come with the sacrifice of something else, and I always feel that thrill of closing my eyes, holding my breath, and taking the leap - but the reward is tenfold.

Why then, have I allowed myself to be paralyzed in fear for the past nine months? All that I have is an idea. A small idea that the Lord spoke to me while I was blowdrying my hair one morning, but after months and months of seeking. An idea that could change the lives of women exactly twelve hours of time zones away from me right now. A beautiful idea with all of the right intentions.

I have been less afraid of bigger things. But this? This makes my feet feel like lead. This makes my breath catch in my throat. I don't exactly know what it is that I'm afraid of. I'm not really afraid to fail, and I'm not afraid of the outcome. I think maybe I'm afraid of the logistics. I'm afraid of the hours of work it's going to take to get it off the ground. I'm afraid that the production details won't come together and I'll be left with nothing but an idea and an expectant group of women. 

But the cliff looks so appealing, because I know how good it is to live a life following His lead.

So I take one step every few months. One google search, one email, one brainstorm. And I am praying that His hand will continue nudging me. That He will continue speaking to me, because He hasn't stopped. At every cowardly moment that I say, "Are you really telling me this, God?" He answers me boldly and without any confusion.

May this be the year that the seeds are planted. May this be the year that I jump off the cliff.

And if nothing else, may I never stop following.