This life. The best, fullest, most exhausting and wonderful and hardest life that I have ever known: being a stay at home mom.
I say stay at home instead of work at home because at this very moment my business is mostly just about maintaining current processes, but not really growing anything. So aside from processing and shipping orders, not much is happening in that department (although I can't wait to change this!).
When I think about how to write down how I feel in this season of life, my heart swells. I don't have the words for the joy, heartache, overwhelming love and utter vulnerability that being a mother has brought me. The first handful of weeks home from the hospital were hard. Like, harder than anyone could ever have told me, and harder than it was for any of my friends (at least it feels that way to me, based on what they've told me). I walked into our home as a mother for the first time; carrying this sweet, tiny, fragile sleeping body, laid her in her bassinet that I stared at longingly for weeks before her arrival, and just sobbed. What have I done? I kept thinking. How on Earth can I care for this tiny person? I am not cut out for this. My body hurts. My heart hurts. I love her so much, but I am so overwhelmed by her presence. What. Have. I. Done.
Those first few days were overwhelming and exhausting. I look back on them and they seem foggy - I was in such a daze and just focused on making it through the next hour. Thankfully, my mild case of hormonal baby blues resolved itself by about week three and I finally started feeling like I expected to feel: absolutely and totally head over heels for this little glowing bundle of life. And it just keeps getting better.