I had high hopes this morning that we may be able to find out the sex of our baby sooner rather than later. We had an appointment with our midwife (one of a few, it's a practice), and I was crossing my fingers that they wouldn't be conservative and make me wait until 20 weeks to have the anatomy scan. After all, I am technically far enough along to have the ultrasound now.
Nope. We're waiting until 21 weeks.
But, in my disappointment this morning as I drove from the clinic to work, I reminded myself that this whole thing is a journey. It's a process. If the midwives think it's best to wait, then wait we will. I can't will my child's anatomy to show up on an ultrasound just because I'm impatient to start planning a nursery. It doesn't work that way.
Just as I have learned through my miscarriage and through this healthy pregnancy (heard a beautiful little heartbeat today!), there is nothing I can do to will my body to produce this little human being. It's completely out of my control whether or not my body will perform this major miracle. I am just a vessel of the good work that is going on inside of me. Oh the metaphors for life!
So, with that spirit, I am choosing to soak in these last precious four weeks of getting to know my sweet baby without having any identity in mind. I don't have a gender preference, but I know I'll start to connect all sorts of ideas and dreams to our baby once we do know the sex (not that there is anything wrong with that), so for now I'm just breathing and enjoying this beautiful process.
Things I love about being 16 (17 tomorrow!) weeks: I'm big enough for people to recognize that I'm pregnant, but not big enough to be uncomfortable yet. I am full of energy and feeling amazing right from the sound of my alarm in the morning. Some of my old clothes still fit, but my maternity clothes don't feel so huge anymore. I am 16 weeks into making a life and I am so thankful for all that I've experienced so far.
So here's to taking life one day at a time and enjoying the season we are in right now. As desperately as I want to count down the days until our next appointment, I'm choosing to enjoy this moment and this beautiful growing belly that God has gifted me. What a treasure it is to open our eyes to the fleeting moment we are in. I'm soaking it up.