Wait, am I an artist?

Sometimes I find myself caught in a love affair with creating (and the fact that I get paid to do it!), and I am surprised and amazed.

I think about all of the little decisions it took me to get to this point, and how lucky (blessed) I am to be where I am, doing what I'm doing.

I think of it like a divine maze (if you will). I could have turned one of three ways and I feverishly and somewhat randomly chose one of those three directions, and then one out of three of the next, and so on. And somehow I happened to chose the most perfect school for me. And somehow I happened to chose the most perfect major for me. And somehow in those two things I met the perfect man for me... and found the perfect job for me... and found the perfect city for me...

Clearly there is something else at work here! How wonderful it is to look back and have nothing but awe in God for the path that has guided me to this present moment. I literally (yes, I mean it in the.. literal.. way) cannot take credit for even deliberating over those decisions! I assumed I'd go to Lipscomb because my brother did - I never even took a tour or looked at other schools. I thought I was kind of decent at doodling, so maybe I'd enter as an art major - I didn't even know what Creative Suite was, much less taken a serious art class.

I mean, it just blows my mind!

And then after I get over how surprised I am with how absolutely perfectly God prepared me to be an artist, this feeling of absolute and pure joy washes over me at realizing that He made me able to create. How loving of God to think me up and decide that He would entrust me with a small glimpse into the joy He experiences through His creation. How generous of Him!

On a somewhat unrelated, but somehow related, note: I am discovering what it means to be a professional creator.

I think the fact that I am a professional now snuck up on me. I still think of myself as a learner, because I am, but that doesn't mean I'm a student anymore (despite my best efforts to pretend I am one). I actually feel equipped now to give advice to other art students, and I think they can actually learn from it.

I am developing my own ideas on what being a professional designer looks like.

I find myself doing the things my professors always taught me that they do - the things I never felt were important enough to do as a student. The things I wrote off because I was naive and thought I would in fact have a great idea every time (WRONG).

I swoon over the perfect script with the perfect kerning. I watch tutorials. I read new ways to do the things I spend too long doing. I practice memorizing more keyboard shortcuts so I can design faster. I read. I teach. I learn from those around me. I sketch. I share. I save inspiration for days of creative block.

I have a process.

I just can't believe that I do these things that I never felt were important enough for me, and of course (as my professors probably professed) I am kicking myself for not doing some of these things earlier! (Minus the swooning over scripts... my bank account hates me for that.)

I am coming into my own.

In some strange way, I feel like I have a relationship with these programs I use, and I am thankful for them and treat them well and in turn they help me make my little meager dreams a reality.

I think that really stems from this joy and passion that God has planted deep within my soul for creating, and the thankfulness I feel for having the tools to do it at least as well as I know how right now.

It is a weird and etherial and kind of verging on abnormal state of mind but I love it.

I just love it.

Thank you, God, for making me a creator.